T-Mobile has a nifty feature where you can have your agonizing conversation with a representative emailed to you. This saves me a lot of work. If only all incompetent/malicious corporations were this user friendly.
~Jason G: Hello and welcome to [the newest ring of the Customer Service Circle of Hell]. My name is Jason and I will be glad to assist you today. First, please allow me one moment to review your question.
Me: ok
~Jason G: I understand you are asking about the $19.99 Shipping charge?
Me: correct, as well as the tax that goes with it
~Jason G: Ok. The $19.99 was for express shipping.
Me: right, that seems to be in error
Me: i had a defective part that i had replaced
Me: under warranty
Me: it took several weeks to arrive, however
Me: and i was never told i'd be charged for shipping, nor do i think i should be if it wasn't in any way my fault
~Jason G: Ok. Sorry that you were charged. We can look into see if it can be adjusted. One moment please.
Me: thanks
~Jason G: Sorry for the wait. I have requested approval from my supervisor, and what we can do is credit back half of the shipping charge.
Me: why half?
Me: i need the entire charge refunded
Me: i never authorized it
Me: and the express charge is preposterous
Me: it took three weeks
~Jason G: There are unfortunately no supporting notes in your account saying about the charge, so as a result, we can give half back.
Me: that's your clerical error, not mine
Me: i have a very clear memory of the event
Me: i'll remind you that i've been a customer for seven years
Me: this seems particularly shoddy customer service
Me: if you're not authorized to refund the entire charge, please put me in contact with someone above you who can
~Jason G: We do thank you for your loyalty with T-Mobile. As there are no supporting notes mentioning the $19.99 shipping, we can adjust half of it back.
Me: what do you think "as there are no supporting notes mentioning the $19.99 shipping" means?
Me: because to me, it means nothing
Me: surely, you can see the charge
Me: so what's at question here?
~Jason G: I can see the charge yes.
Me: i didn't agree to the charge, the charge was never mentioned to me, the charge is twice your fault (once for the bad part and once for an oversight)
Me: so in what universe would it make sense for me to pay any of it?
Me: i don't blame you, personally--obviously, you aren't responsible
Me: but i'd like to think it should be clear why i shouldn't be either
Me: it would just be paying for corporate incompetence (at best)
Me: or willful robbery (at worst)
~Jason G: In order for us to send the device, it does require a shipping cost.
Me: ok, let's break this one down:
Me: 1) you sent the device, because it was broken (your fault)
Me: 2) you never mentioned a fee to me (your fault)
Me: 3) you sent it express shipping (allegedly), and yet it took several weeks (your fault)
Me: 4) the last time something was shipped to me from t-mobile (a much larger package), it cost 7.99, and yet this somehow cost 19.99 (your fault)
Me: how about you absorb the shipping cost, as the reason for its being shipped is entirely your responsibility?
Me: the item was shipped because it broke within two weeks
Me: that's a bad product
~Jason G: Ok. One more moment please while I inquire about it.
Me: by any estimation
~Jason G: O, sorry for the wait. I have re-requested approval, and we will be able to adjust the whole amount back.
~Jason G: *Ok
Me: that's good
~Jason G: The adjustment for the shipping and handset assessory tax was r efunded.
Me: so the 19.99 plus 1.72 tax are being refunded, in other words?
Me: should i wait for a new bill then?
~Jason G: That is correct yes. The adjustments will show up on your next bill.
Me: so i should pay the full bill this month, and expect a 21.71 refund next month?
~Jason G: No. the adjustments that I just made are balance impacting, which means the amount you now owe is $70.59. Showing the adjustments were done will appear on your next bill.
Me: ok, so when i login, it says i still owe 92.30
Me: will it take a while to adjust?
Me: because my bill is withdrawn automatically
Me: and i'd like 70.59 withdrawn, not 92.30
~Jason G: It may take up to 2 hours to reflect online.
Me: ok, so i'll check back in two hours
Monday, July 12, 2010
Hell's Angels
Flying from New York City to Detroit is quick, only about an hour in the air. So you can understand how frustrated I would be when I arrived 13.5 hours late. Here's the time-line:
Flight #1: New York to Detroit (Delta): Canceled
I'm thinking, well, stuff happens. Weather, mechanical, best to be careful. Surely, they'll put me and my wife on a later flight since it's mid-afternoon. Wait, what's that? You want to send us the next day? Through Minneapolis, which is several hundred miles past Detroit? And you believe this critical information should be delivered via a robot that doesn't leave a phone number where I can ask follow-up questions? Eventually, I found a phone number and an android who would confess, when bullied, that it had lied about (minimum): 1) there being no other flights that day, and 2) their ability to place me on another airline. Eventually, we were placed on an American flight leaving 75 minutes later. It had a connection in Chicago (again, going past Detroit), but at least we'd only arrive four hours late. Why the flight was canceled remains a mystery.
Flight #2: New York to Chicago (American): Delayed
My attempt to get a meal voucher (since we're missing dinner with our friends) is dismissed with something between indifference and abject hatred. To be expected, but I'm getting a little worried because that 75 minute window between when one flight lands in Chicago and the next flight takes off for Detroit is shrinking. And the delay stretches. And now the best case scenario is that the plane lands 20 minutes after the connecting flight is scheduled to take off, and my wife is weeping on account of not being able to see her friends, and hating to fly, and having to spend the night in Chicago for no good reason.
Flight #3: Chicago to Detroit (American): Delayed
Hooray for this delay! After sprinting through O'Hare with despair in our hearts to catch a connection that had surely already left, we find that the plane is still there and the kind attendants are willing to let us board it, even though boarding is over and the doors are sealed. But wait!
Flight #3: Chicago to Detroit (American): Canceled
Two flights--on two different airlines--canceled in one day, surely this is a personal record. There is no mystery here, though. The flight was canceled for the trivial reason of not having a pilot. Hotel and meal vouchers for all, leading to this exchange:
Me: May I have a meal voucher for my wife, as well.
Attendant: This voucher is for you and your wife.
Me: $10 each?
Attendant: $10 total.
We'll dine like kings in Chicago for $5 each! We'll split a "Chicago-style" dog and bottled water--who are you to ask for more? Later, this conversation happens:
Other passenger: You can use that voucher almost anywhere in the airport.
Me (inside my exploding skull): ALMOST ANYWHERE? Thank God, it's only five hours until our next flight leaves because I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight!
Flight #4: Chicago to Detroit (American): On time
This was a relatively painless flight. They did try to move my wife across the plane but failed. We had a nice time in Michigan.
Flight #5: Detroit to New York (Delta): Lost reservation
We're not in the system. The several confirmation codes I have are meaningless. This is confirmed by the attendant behind the desk. My wife explains most of the bad things that happened, while the attendant makes phone calls and whispers things like "this is strange" and "it's just not there." But wait!
Flight #5: Detroit to New York (Delta): Delayed
We're there, after all. You only have to look capable of crying or screaming for long enough. The flight is about 30 minutes late, but by this point, the delay seems positively generous. When the very, very bumpy flight is over, there are other planes at the gate, but this scarcely matters. We're home, and our hatred of domestic air travel cemented.
Final Stats!
Actual flights: 5
Delayed flights: 3 (remarkable since we only booked 2 flights)
Canceled flights: 2
Lost reservations: 1
Flight #1: New York to Detroit (Delta): Canceled
I'm thinking, well, stuff happens. Weather, mechanical, best to be careful. Surely, they'll put me and my wife on a later flight since it's mid-afternoon. Wait, what's that? You want to send us the next day? Through Minneapolis, which is several hundred miles past Detroit? And you believe this critical information should be delivered via a robot that doesn't leave a phone number where I can ask follow-up questions? Eventually, I found a phone number and an android who would confess, when bullied, that it had lied about (minimum): 1) there being no other flights that day, and 2) their ability to place me on another airline. Eventually, we were placed on an American flight leaving 75 minutes later. It had a connection in Chicago (again, going past Detroit), but at least we'd only arrive four hours late. Why the flight was canceled remains a mystery.
Flight #2: New York to Chicago (American): Delayed
My attempt to get a meal voucher (since we're missing dinner with our friends) is dismissed with something between indifference and abject hatred. To be expected, but I'm getting a little worried because that 75 minute window between when one flight lands in Chicago and the next flight takes off for Detroit is shrinking. And the delay stretches. And now the best case scenario is that the plane lands 20 minutes after the connecting flight is scheduled to take off, and my wife is weeping on account of not being able to see her friends, and hating to fly, and having to spend the night in Chicago for no good reason.
Flight #3: Chicago to Detroit (American): Delayed
Hooray for this delay! After sprinting through O'Hare with despair in our hearts to catch a connection that had surely already left, we find that the plane is still there and the kind attendants are willing to let us board it, even though boarding is over and the doors are sealed. But wait!
Flight #3: Chicago to Detroit (American): Canceled
Two flights--on two different airlines--canceled in one day, surely this is a personal record. There is no mystery here, though. The flight was canceled for the trivial reason of not having a pilot. Hotel and meal vouchers for all, leading to this exchange:
Me: May I have a meal voucher for my wife, as well.
Attendant: This voucher is for you and your wife.
Me: $10 each?
Attendant: $10 total.
We'll dine like kings in Chicago for $5 each! We'll split a "Chicago-style" dog and bottled water--who are you to ask for more? Later, this conversation happens:
Other passenger: You can use that voucher almost anywhere in the airport.
Me (inside my exploding skull): ALMOST ANYWHERE? Thank God, it's only five hours until our next flight leaves because I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight!
Flight #4: Chicago to Detroit (American): On time
This was a relatively painless flight. They did try to move my wife across the plane but failed. We had a nice time in Michigan.
Flight #5: Detroit to New York (Delta): Lost reservation
We're not in the system. The several confirmation codes I have are meaningless. This is confirmed by the attendant behind the desk. My wife explains most of the bad things that happened, while the attendant makes phone calls and whispers things like "this is strange" and "it's just not there." But wait!
Flight #5: Detroit to New York (Delta): Delayed
We're there, after all. You only have to look capable of crying or screaming for long enough. The flight is about 30 minutes late, but by this point, the delay seems positively generous. When the very, very bumpy flight is over, there are other planes at the gate, but this scarcely matters. We're home, and our hatred of domestic air travel cemented.
Final Stats!
Actual flights: 5
Delayed flights: 3 (remarkable since we only booked 2 flights)
Canceled flights: 2
Lost reservations: 1
Monday, May 24, 2010
No Dogs in Hell (Except for Cerberus)
How long is too long to wait for a package--is 45 days too long? I hope so because I could only suffer through 44 days in my most recent circle of hell. Here is the timeline:
April 10: Order package.
April 27: Email company to find out why package hasn't shipped.
April 29: Package is shipped (no reply from company). I receive a tracking number!
May 1: Tracking number declares package "Out for Delivery or Available." Package never arrives. Tracking number never updates. How would you feel if you were waiting for your wife and her flight status said "Out for Delivery or Available" 23 days after you arrived to the airport? I would feel worried. Gratefully, I had a present delivered and not a wife.
May 5: I send the exceedingly polite email: "I wrote earlier checking on my package. You sent a tracking number, which is helpful, but it seems from the tracking number that the package should have been delivered on May 1 (see below). Am I missing something?"
May 8: I receive the mostly-polite-and-ultimately-unhelpful response: "You are right, according to the delivery confirmation it looks like it should have been delivered on May 1st, but the post office has not updated the information which is strange. The best thing to do is to bring that delivery confirmation number (that's why we use those numbers) into your post office and ask them where your package is. Perhaps they had a hard time delivering it to your apartment so it's back at the post office, or some other reason that only the US Post Office can come up with. Let me know if you find it at the post office, and if not we can figure out something else"
Two follow-up points:
1) If it's so "strange," why don't you call the post office and fix this for me?
2) If by "figur[ing] out something else," you mean ignoring my emails for over ten days, well done!
May 11: I send this slightly-less-cordial email: "After physically going to the post office with the tracking number and twice calling the secret phone number they gave me, a post office woman just now assured me that the package was lost and they "don't compensate lost packages unless they're insured." I'm really disappointed because I ordered the package in early April as a present, and the guy's birthday is on Saturday. It seems insane that on May 13 it's still not here."
May 15: We celebrate my friend's birthday 35 days after I ordered the package without the package.
May 20: I send this no-longer-cordial-but-also-not-particularly-vindictive email: "It's been a week since I wrote you. See message below. Obviously, you never resent the package, but I still either need you to resend the package very, very, very late (the order was placed April 10) or refund the order."
May 24: I implore you, the loyal half-dozen readers of the Customer Service Circle of Hell, to never, no matter how thirsty you may be, order a dog collar bottle opener from Bark 4 Beer, also known as Bark4Beer L.L.C. They will take your money and not deliver you a package and send you to the post office to look for the imaginary package and not respond to any of your emails. If you are thirsty, do what I did last weekend at a hotel when I had no bottle opener or even a dog, and call the front desk to have them bring you a bottle opener. Failing that, purchase one for one dollar.
Also: happy 30th birthday to this guy.
June 7 (UPDATE!): Good news: "We have concluded our investigation into your case and have decided in your favor." You know you've had a truly excellent consumer experience when two months after your purchase an investigation is concluded.
Bad news: "If the seller's account has insufficient funds to complete the refund owed to you, please be assured that we will take appropriate action against the seller's account, which may include limitation of the seller's account privileges." Is there any doubt that this is the case?
April 10: Order package.
April 27: Email company to find out why package hasn't shipped.
April 29: Package is shipped (no reply from company). I receive a tracking number!
May 1: Tracking number declares package "Out for Delivery or Available." Package never arrives. Tracking number never updates. How would you feel if you were waiting for your wife and her flight status said "Out for Delivery or Available" 23 days after you arrived to the airport? I would feel worried. Gratefully, I had a present delivered and not a wife.
May 5: I send the exceedingly polite email: "I wrote earlier checking on my package. You sent a tracking number, which is helpful, but it seems from the tracking number that the package should have been delivered on May 1 (see below). Am I missing something?"
May 8: I receive the mostly-polite-and-ultimately-unhelpful response: "You are right, according to the delivery confirmation it looks like it should have been delivered on May 1st, but the post office has not updated the information which is strange. The best thing to do is to bring that delivery confirmation number (that's why we use those numbers) into your post office and ask them where your package is. Perhaps they had a hard time delivering it to your apartment so it's back at the post office, or some other reason that only the US Post Office can come up with. Let me know if you find it at the post office, and if not we can figure out something else"
Two follow-up points:
1) If it's so "strange," why don't you call the post office and fix this for me?
2) If by "figur[ing] out something else," you mean ignoring my emails for over ten days, well done!
May 11: I send this slightly-less-cordial email: "After physically going to the post office with the tracking number and twice calling the secret phone number they gave me, a post office woman just now assured me that the package was lost and they "don't compensate lost packages unless they're insured." I'm really disappointed because I ordered the package in early April as a present, and the guy's birthday is on Saturday. It seems insane that on May 13 it's still not here."
May 15: We celebrate my friend's birthday 35 days after I ordered the package without the package.
May 20: I send this no-longer-cordial-but-also-not-particularly-vindictive email: "It's been a week since I wrote you. See message below. Obviously, you never resent the package, but I still either need you to resend the package very, very, very late (the order was placed April 10) or refund the order."
May 24: I implore you, the loyal half-dozen readers of the Customer Service Circle of Hell, to never, no matter how thirsty you may be, order a dog collar bottle opener from Bark 4 Beer, also known as Bark4Beer L.L.C. They will take your money and not deliver you a package and send you to the post office to look for the imaginary package and not respond to any of your emails. If you are thirsty, do what I did last weekend at a hotel when I had no bottle opener or even a dog, and call the front desk to have them bring you a bottle opener. Failing that, purchase one for one dollar.
Also: happy 30th birthday to this guy.
June 7 (UPDATE!): Good news: "We have concluded our investigation into your case and have decided in your favor." You know you've had a truly excellent consumer experience when two months after your purchase an investigation is concluded.
Bad news: "If the seller's account has insufficient funds to complete the refund owed to you, please be assured that we will take appropriate action against the seller's account, which may include limitation of the seller's account privileges." Is there any doubt that this is the case?
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Flyover Hell
Sometimes I receive bad customer service that isn't worth getting into a raging fight over; sometimes I have that fight, anyhow, but for the other times, I'm implementing a new segment called FLYOVER HELL. What is FLYOVER HELL? It is the space between the customer service circles of hell where bad customer service happens but does not necessarily destroy you.
On a trans-circle of hell trip from Nautica to Time Warner, I stopped off at Connolly's Pub & Restaurant in Midtown Manhattan for a $5 Miller Lite. When I finished the beer, my glass was taken by the bartender--a reasonable facsimile of a world-weary Irishman--and told I could order another beer or leave. It was early afternoon. The place was mostly empty. I was waiting for my wife, who was supposed to arrive any minute, so I left and walked around in the cold. If you're looking for a bar where you can (1) spend too much money on domestic drafts, (2) be treated rudely unnecessarily, and (3) feel badly about your own ethnic heritage, let me recommend Connolly's Pub & Restaurant!
43 W 54th St.
New York, NY 10019
After that stopover, I figured I'd buy 8 Knicks-Celtics tickets. Since the Knicks, like most teams, take no real precaution toward third-party agencies scooping up all of the inexpensive tickets and then selling them at a premium--in this instance, a 350% markup--the cheapest tickets I could get were $35 on StubHub. Did I pay $280 then for these 8 tickets? No, I paid $320 after service charges and shipping. Which is fine, I suppose, because when scalping is institutionalized, you pay not only the markup but also other made-up fees. What I objected to was the unannounced $12 I was charged when StubHub sent my tickets to the wrong state. If you're looking for a ticket agency where you can (1) spend $35 on $10 tickets, (2) pay an additional $40 in fees and shipping, and (3) have your credit card charged $12 without warning for somebody else's mistake, let me recommend StubHub!
"Where Fans Buy and Experience Sadness"
On a trans-circle of hell trip from Nautica to Time Warner, I stopped off at Connolly's Pub & Restaurant in Midtown Manhattan for a $5 Miller Lite. When I finished the beer, my glass was taken by the bartender--a reasonable facsimile of a world-weary Irishman--and told I could order another beer or leave. It was early afternoon. The place was mostly empty. I was waiting for my wife, who was supposed to arrive any minute, so I left and walked around in the cold. If you're looking for a bar where you can (1) spend too much money on domestic drafts, (2) be treated rudely unnecessarily, and (3) feel badly about your own ethnic heritage, let me recommend Connolly's Pub & Restaurant!
43 W 54th St.
New York, NY 10019
After that stopover, I figured I'd buy 8 Knicks-Celtics tickets. Since the Knicks, like most teams, take no real precaution toward third-party agencies scooping up all of the inexpensive tickets and then selling them at a premium--in this instance, a 350% markup--the cheapest tickets I could get were $35 on StubHub. Did I pay $280 then for these 8 tickets? No, I paid $320 after service charges and shipping. Which is fine, I suppose, because when scalping is institutionalized, you pay not only the markup but also other made-up fees. What I objected to was the unannounced $12 I was charged when StubHub sent my tickets to the wrong state. If you're looking for a ticket agency where you can (1) spend $35 on $10 tickets, (2) pay an additional $40 in fees and shipping, and (3) have your credit card charged $12 without warning for somebody else's mistake, let me recommend StubHub!
"Where Fans Buy and Experience Sadness"
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Duplicity - Available Now!
That's the subject of the email I woke to after my first day in Time Warner. Must this God Warner mock me so nakedly! The body of the email begins as follows:
BEAUTIFUL
BACK STABBING
AT THE SPEED OF NOW
This is not a joke.
Nautica was persistent, but might Time Warner be more dangerous?
BEAUTIFUL
BACK STABBING
AT THE SPEED OF NOW
This is not a joke.
Nautica was persistent, but might Time Warner be more dangerous?
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Time Lost in Time Warner
After many biting months in Nautica, I wandered into a new Customer Service Circle of Hell known as Time Warner. Einstein taught us that time is relative, but in Time Warner, time is especially relative. That is why "Time" is in the name. It is not unusual for 36 months to pass in as few as 12 months! Accordingly, people age very quickly. Nobody knows what "Warner" means in the native language, but many believe it refers to an unusually powerful God capable of dominating huge swaths of densely-populated land without competition or anti-trust prosecution.
What follows is a near-verbatim transcript with the third person I spoke to in Time Warner.
Me: I’ve spoken to two customer service representatives, and nobody has been able to explain this to me, so I’m asking you: can you explain, logically, how I have a 36 month price-lock that raises its price after 12 months?
TW: Well, that’s just the way it works. It starts off at $99 and then it goes up.
Me: So what’s being locked in for 36 months?
TW: Your rate.
Me: My rate was $99. Now it’s $119.
TW: The price is locked for 12 months.
Me: The price is locked for 36 months. It’s a 36 month price-lock.
TW: Well, if you read the fine print.
Me: I read the fine print, and nothing adequately explains this. That’s why I’m calling. Please, can you explain what’s being locked in for 36 months?
TW: The price is locked in... for 12 months.
Me: Don’t use the words "12 months."
TW: Service is locked in for 36 months?
Me: I don’t have a 36 month service-lock. I have a 36 month price-lock. What is being locked in for 36 months?
TW: (Silence.)
Me: Do you understand where I’m coming from?
TW: Yes. Yes, I do.
Me: When I signed up for Time Warner a year ago, I spoke to a man who explained the 36 month price-lock, but he never mentioned the price going up after 12 months. Do you have his name or any sort of identification number?
TW: I don’t have his name.
Me: Do you have anything? Because I have an active memory of this conversation, and what I’m hearing is you have nothing.
TW: All I have is a number that doesn’t tell me who he is, or even where he works.
Me: Put yourself in my shoes. Would you be frustrated right now? Would you not feel great about Time Warner?
TW: I can upgrade you on Internet speed. I can give you our Road Runner Service.
Me: I have your Road Runner Service.
TW: I do see that you have our Road Runner Service.
Me: So there’s no way you can lower the price to honor the 36 month price-lock? You’re the third person I’ve spoken to already.
TW: No.
Me: What if I cancel my contract?
TW: That will be $150. Actually, let me check. No, that will only be $120.
Me: And if I open a new account?
TW: That will be $140.
Me: Can you give me anything?
TW: I can give you our Showtime package. It brings your value up to $190.
Me: Just add the Showtime, and I’ll stop bothering you about this.
TW: It is my job to assure you get the best customer service.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
The Nautica Song
Thank you for shopping at www.nautica.com. We appreciate your business.
Please accept our sincere apologies for the difficulties you have experienced with your order. As a good will gesture, we would like to offer you free standard ground shipping on a future order. Please use the following code ****** by 10/08/09. Since the code is case sensitive, please remember, that you must enter it exactly as it appears in this e-mail.
To redeem your free shipping code, please visit our online store, select the items that you wish to purchase, and proceed to checkout. Enter your case-sensitive code on the checkout page in the field called "Gift Certificates & Promotion/Discount Codes" and click on the "APPLY" button. Your free standard ground shipping will then be reflected in the total at the same checkout screen.
Should you require assistance, please call our Customer Service Team, at 1-866-376-4184. For your convenience, we are available 24 hours a day.
Again we would like to apologize for any inconvenience you have experienced. We greatly value all of our customers, and look forward to our next opportunity to serve you.
Sincerely,
Customer Service
www.nautica.com
***
Dear Customer Service Team,
I have written a song. You may recognize its basic structure. It is not an especially original composition, but I sing it in Nautica every time you offer me free shipping, which is often. Indeed, we've had several conversations about this. You might consult my blog to read about them. Here's how the song goes:
When you're in Nautica
And life is making you lonely,
You can always go FREE SHIPPING
When you've got worries,
From talking to scary robots
Seems to help, I know, FREE SHIPPING
Just listen to the music of the traffic in Nautica
Linger on the sidewalk where the neon signs are pretty
How can you lose?
The lights are much brighter there
You can forget all your troubles, forget all your cares and go
FREE SHIPPING, things'll be great when you're
FREE SHIPPING, no finer place for sure,
FREE SHIPPING, everything's waiting for you
(FREE SHIPPING)
Don't hang around
And let your problems surround you
There are movie shows FREE SHIPPING
Maybe you know
Some little places to go to
Where they never close FREE SHIPPING
Just listen to the rhythm of a gentle scary robot
You'll be dancing with 'em too before the night is over
Happy again
The lights are much brighter there
You can forget all your troubles, forget all your cares and go
FREE SHIPPING, where all the lights are bright,
FREE SHIPPING, waiting for you tonight,
FREE SHIPPNG, you're gonna be alright now
(FREE SHIPPING FREE SHIPPING)
FREE SHIPPING
(FREE SHIPPING)
And you may find a scary robot to help and understand you
Someone who is just like you and needs a gentle hand to
Guide them along
So, maybe I'll see you there
We can forget all our troubles, forget all our cares and go
FREE SHIPPING, things'll be great when you're
FREE SHIPPING, don't wait a minute more,
FREE SHIPPING, everything's waiting for you
FREE SHIPPING (FREE SHIPPING) FREE SHIPPING (FREE SHIPPING)
FREE SHIPPING (FREE SHIPPING) FREE SHIPPING (FREE SHIPPING)
(repeat and fade out)
Please accept our sincere apologies for the difficulties you have experienced with your order. As a good will gesture, we would like to offer you free standard ground shipping on a future order. Please use the following code ****** by 10/08/09. Since the code is case sensitive, please remember, that you must enter it exactly as it appears in this e-mail.
To redeem your free shipping code, please visit our online store, select the items that you wish to purchase, and proceed to checkout. Enter your case-sensitive code on the checkout page in the field called "Gift Certificates & Promotion/Discount Codes" and click on the "APPLY" button. Your free standard ground shipping will then be reflected in the total at the same checkout screen.
Should you require assistance, please call our Customer Service Team, at 1-866-376-4184. For your convenience, we are available 24 hours a day.
Again we would like to apologize for any inconvenience you have experienced. We greatly value all of our customers, and look forward to our next opportunity to serve you.
Sincerely,
Customer Service
www.nautica.com
***
Dear Customer Service Team,
I have written a song. You may recognize its basic structure. It is not an especially original composition, but I sing it in Nautica every time you offer me free shipping, which is often. Indeed, we've had several conversations about this. You might consult my blog to read about them. Here's how the song goes:
When you're in Nautica
And life is making you lonely,
You can always go FREE SHIPPING
When you've got worries,
From talking to scary robots
Seems to help, I know, FREE SHIPPING
Just listen to the music of the traffic in Nautica
Linger on the sidewalk where the neon signs are pretty
How can you lose?
The lights are much brighter there
You can forget all your troubles, forget all your cares and go
FREE SHIPPING, things'll be great when you're
FREE SHIPPING, no finer place for sure,
FREE SHIPPING, everything's waiting for you
(FREE SHIPPING)
Don't hang around
And let your problems surround you
There are movie shows FREE SHIPPING
Maybe you know
Some little places to go to
Where they never close FREE SHIPPING
Just listen to the rhythm of a gentle scary robot
You'll be dancing with 'em too before the night is over
Happy again
The lights are much brighter there
You can forget all your troubles, forget all your cares and go
FREE SHIPPING, where all the lights are bright,
FREE SHIPPING, waiting for you tonight,
FREE SHIPPNG, you're gonna be alright now
(FREE SHIPPING FREE SHIPPING)
FREE SHIPPING
(FREE SHIPPING)
And you may find a scary robot to help and understand you
Someone who is just like you and needs a gentle hand to
Guide them along
So, maybe I'll see you there
We can forget all our troubles, forget all our cares and go
FREE SHIPPING, things'll be great when you're
FREE SHIPPING, don't wait a minute more,
FREE SHIPPING, everything's waiting for you
FREE SHIPPING (FREE SHIPPING) FREE SHIPPING (FREE SHIPPING)
FREE SHIPPING (FREE SHIPPING) FREE SHIPPING (FREE SHIPPING)
(repeat and fade out)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
